Adoption possibilities
(DOUBLETAKE, By Eric F. Mallonga
Monday, September 24, 2007)
ALMOST 30 delegates from various countries filled the corridors of Taal Vista Hotel in Tagaytay City last week for the 9th Global Consultation on Child Welfare Services. Stories of Filipino children were shared by delegates from the Philippines as well as countries that have received Filipino children; the vivid recounting of the ordeal that these children have undergone broke the hearts and brought tears to the eyes of many participants.
Ours is a country that has failed to shield millions of our children from trauma and abuse. They continue to suffer horrendous experiences, whether from abuse in all its malevolent forms, or a directionless transfer from a neglectful or abusive parent to an uncaring orphanage, to hazardous streets of urban centers, or to its toxic prisons. Some of these children have been abandoned as babies in trashcans and garbage dumps. Thousands more have had no parental care, with kwashiorkor or extreme malnutrition as a normal pattern of child development. It is the Philippine reality.
Our country has, unfortunately, readily embraced institutionalization as a common social response, yielding even to the institutionalization of children in prisons and prison-like shelters as an acceptable alterative. Many social workers working in prisons have not been shifting paradigms and have merely recreated the prison environment to apply to children in difficult circumstances. They now see themselves as extensions of the criminal justice pillars. Certainly there are many children who are extremely difficult to parent and who resist all discipline due to dysfunctional home environments. But their family background should not constitute justification for institutionalizing them.
Most children legally freed for adoption may have behavioral problems. The older these children grow in orphanages, the more behavioral problems encountered. Most prospective adoptive families nurture romantic notions of adopting children, who are expected to reciprocate the generosity and love of their adoptive parents. This is not generally the case. Adoptive families should be prepared to expect the worst because the children legally available for adoption have been discarded by their own families. The resulting hurt and insecurities are deeply embedded in these “discarded” children; most react by nurturing within themselves a seething anger manifested as indifference or, worse, troublesome behavior, even when they are shown parental affection. Fortunately, there are may other children who have responded positively and have grown up subsequently reciprocating the loving care of their adoptive parents. The “happy child” is a goal that is not impossible to achieve.
But there must be unconditional love, not just romantic notions, in caring for a child. During the Global Consultation, we—who are members of the Intercountry Adoption Board, which processes adoption applications of abandoned children by foreigners—have hurled challenging adoption possibilities to foreign adoption agencies. We urge: Work with your prospective adoptive families in considering the most difficult cases for adoption, where the children have been most hurt. Consider adopting young girls, those who may have already delivered a child at the age of eleven or twelve. Consider permanent placements for children in conflict with the law, children who have been exposed to prison realities for such petty offenses.
Overwhelming positive proposals have been made for children with special needs, those born with disabilities ranging from Down’s Syndrome or cerebral palsy to physical disabilities such as spina bifida, and even offspring from fetal substance disorders. We are happy over this response. But there must be more global consultations to explore placements of children exposed to the evils of social realities—the child victims of sexual abuse and the child victims of the warped mentalities of a criminal justice system. -End-
