True repentance leads to forgiveness
(republishing, copying, no restrictions)
By: Father Shay Cullen
It was just one of the many seminars on children's rights that we conduct day in and day out to teachers, students, parents and government officials.
The Catholic school where we held the seminar had its small group meeting, and the teachers were still having a very heated debate over what they were to write on the large sheet of brown paper that would be the basis of their discussion report to the whole group.
When the list went up the first one was the most controversial. Under the heading 'Tasks of various sectors in society', Church, Government, non-government organisation and so on, the activity the Church was supposed to do was the word 'Forgiveness'.
No wonder there had been a heated debate. Not all agreed that the role of the church is to dish out counselling to the victim to forgive the abuser or to convince the community to overlook the incident in a spirit of reconciliation, family unity, prevention of scandal.
I was not amazed at all at the response of the teachers. It is a common misunderstanding of the faith to believe that when a child is sexually abused, forgiveness, reconciliation and a settlement within the privacy of the home and family is the proper response. Even when a member of the clergy offended this was the misguided and very wrong response.
This was the Church's practice for many years in many places and may still be the practice despite the scandals and the strict reporting and investigation guidelines now adopted by the different national bishops conferences.
I took the pen and drew a big 'X' through the word 'forgiveness' and wrote instead the proper sequence of actions that is in the best interests of the child. We have to know what are the steps that are good and proper.
Seeking knowledge and understanding, establishing the truth and being guided by a sensitivity to justice for the child and the alleged abuser has to be the number one priority.
It means that while a complete and impartial investigation takes place by competent, well trained and unbiased people, the child must be given care, protection and counseling.
In our experience the need for our training workshops and seminars in the community is vital. All too frequently local neighborhood authority figures, without competence understanding or a sense of right and wrong, misuse their powers to arrange a settlement between parents, the abuser and the law enforcement people. A sum of money - compensation or a settlement payment - is agreed upon. All make something out of it. The most important person of all has been thrown aside - the child victim.
When the evidence has been established and the legal process has been initiated the abuser is called to repent, admit sin, ask forgiveness of God and victim, and gracefully accepts society's penalty as a just and deserving penance. The acceptance is a sign of amendment and an honest commitment to sin no more. Then the time for the victim to grant forgiveness may come with healing and empowerment. [End]
