Coming to Terms with Effects of Child Abuse
Published in The Universe
(November 10, 2002)
In a previous column I
wrote about the emotional damage caused to a child by the feelings of
pain, rejection and worthlessness inflicted as a result of sexual and
physical abuse I wrote too about the brain damage that experts claim is
caused to very young children. There is no evidence readily available to
show that this is completely irreversible or beyond remedy for all
victims. In fact given the right amount of love, affirmation,
acceptance, understanding and psycho-therapy sufficient to release the
repressed feelings I believe that recovery is possible.
In the experience of the
PREDA recovery center for sexually abused children there are many
examples of severely abused children as young as six years and older
showing indications of brain damage and retardation being able to
recover.
With time, the brain that
retreated from the painful reality and put the personality of the
growing exploring and learning child into the shut down mode can
survive. The brain is an amazing and wonderful creation. It has a
powerful and effective ability to help the person survive terrible
experiences. The world is full of healthy survivors. When the proper
healing conditions emerge the brain triggers positive growth and wake up
responses.
Children who were deeply
withdrawn and look out with vacant stares and have a minimum ability to
communicate are seen to gradually re-emerge and wake up from some kind
of nightmare. When it is satisfied that the environment is safe and
secure and that the important elements for growth and positive
experiences are present, it responds and reaches out to taste the joy of
being wanted, accepted, belonging and appreciated.
The once repressed
emotions come to life and the child slowly participates in
community life once again. When the child is observed to be more alert
and to be responding to stimuli and joining in play and learning
activities we know the child is well on the way to recovery.
Everybody responsible for helping abused children must strive to create
the most effective healing conditions as much as possible.
We cannot claim that
there are no scars or memories left. In fact therapy ought to heal the
inner pain and the memories remain intact. It is not helpful to advise
recovering children, or adults for that matter, to forget the past. They
cannot. In fact it is healthier if they can remember and deal with the
past in a positive and healing manner. The memories are important to
enable the developing personality to understand the world and the
dangers therein and to take precautions to protect itself in the future.
It is only when there is
character development and personality empowerment can further healing
take place. The abused child will want closure and a resolution of the
past experience. For this deeper healing process to begin there is a
need to experience justice and discover the power and to forgive.
When a growing and
maturing child gains a level of worldly wisdom before the age when
we adults grudgingly acknowledge it, they are looking to the
future and surveying the terrain before them. Danger lurks when
the abuser is still there .With these memories comes the natural
primeval impulses to fight or take flight. Those not empowered
will take flight. They are unable to face that But others are
ready to tackle the future and the reality before them.
We have to admire and support their bravery and courage when they want to bring their abuser to justice and forgive him if he is open to receive forgiveness. As I wrote in a previous column about forgiveness this is a two way street it is giving and receiving. The wrongdoer needs to receive forgiveness. This is an attitude of acceptance of wrongdoing repenting of it and forming a firm commitment to amend and accept a fair penance or punishment. Should that happen then the abused child will be able ,with help, to open the road to a new life and a fear free future.
Fr. Shay Cullen is a Columban missionary: PREDA Centre, Kalaklan, Olongapo City. www.preda.org
