Incest and Child Sexual Abuse
Document Title: Incest and Child Sexual Abuse
Document Ref No: R8911041
First Published: Reflections - Philippine Daily Inquirer
Publication Date: November 4th 1989
Author's Name: Father Shay Cullen SSC
Rita is thirteen years but she is afraid to go home because she was sexually abused by her step father.
"I am afraid of him, he threatened to kill me if I told anybody about what he did to me"
Rita is at a special center for sexually abused children and her traumatic and disrupted life is no isolated case. There are many thousands of sexually abused people in the Philippines and millions throughout the world.
I remember when I was assigned to a rural parish many years ago. A sin that was frequently confessed by different people was sexual relations with their own child or close relative, a niece or nephew.
I remember one particular boy, Jerry (not his real name) that came to the Preda center for help a few years ago. He was brought by his 'sister' because he was supposed to be abusing drugs although he was only l4 years old. When Jerry did not respond to individual and group therapy we investigated further and learned that his sister was really his mother and Jerry did not know this. Jerry's stepfather was a pedophile and had being abusing the boy for years.
Experts claim that one in every ten people in society are sexually abused in one way or another. Since there are few reliable statistics available in the Philippines I can only surmise that human nature being universally similar the same applies here.
A video produced by the Norwegian government called 'Throwaway Children' paints a very grim picture of the problem worldwide from Europe,the United States, South America and the Philippines (copy available by writing).
Incest is a taboo subject in many families but is now an open secret for many. It may seem to be unthinkable that parents sexually abuse their own children. They do, thousands of case histories are available in books about this awful kind of abuse.
Two thirds of the children who end up being abused by pedophiles, or by sex perverts have first been sexually abused in the home by parents, or relatives or a trusted neighbor. Baby-sitters are sometimes abusers also.
Many children do not even realize that they are victims of child abuse. They do not suspect the adult world will betray them by telling them that wrong is right or that bad is good. This double-speak is usually associated with corrupt politicians and it is difficult for children to know if they should tell someone what is happening to them .
Child psychologists will tell you that when children show unusual and disturbed behavior it is indicative of emotional problems, most of which can come from poor relationships with parents and some from being sexually abused in the family setting.
The sexual abuse of children by parents often starts with an emotionally disturbed marriage. Some young couples who grow up in a community where advertisements, comics, films and TV is sexually oriented learn the false lesson that sex is love . Their marriage is doomed from the start. They tend to treat each other as objects for mutual sexual satisfaction and it is not unusual that they treat their children in the same manner.
Psychologists tell us that some men and women can be deprived of their mother's love as children and become sex-addicts ,trying to fulfil that childhood longing with every woman they think resembles their mother. Child sex-abusers have frequently been victims of sex-abuse themselves as children either by parents or by others. It's a vicious circle it seems.
Some psychologists will also maintain that excessive deprivation of a father's love can drive a boy to other men where he is an easy victim to abuse. Some can become homosexual themselves.
On the other-hand, male macho-behavior is seen (according to some opinions) as an over-reaction by young males to fears that they are not manly. These attitudes are instilled in them by domineering fathers or possessive mothers.
The strict or disciplinarian father will at times tell his sons: " don't cry, real men don't cry - if you act like a sissy you are no son of mine." This leads to repressed feelings of pain and hurt and natural emotional outlets like crying have been shut off by fear of offending the dominant father.
In a strange paradox some children grow to imitate the parent they fear and become domineering themselves. They can run their home on fear, more like a military barracks where love is replaced by terror and submission and cringing docility rather than a home filled with acceptance, understanding and real love.
Some child sex abuse follows from the dominating attitude of parents. "I am the head of this family and what I say goes, right or wrong", can be heard in one form or another. The children are too terrified to complain or to tell others.
Some grow up and never tell anyone. This self-imposed silence can cause a lot of emotional and behavioral problems. Here at Preda recovery begins when the child finds trust, acceptance and understanding and then begins to open up his or her deepest secrets of having been sexually abused.
What constitutes sex-abuse?
It is now generally accepted worldwide that any of the following are considered sexual abuse;
An adult who exposes or displays genitals to a child.
An adult who fondles or touches a child's genitals other than for bathing or medical reasons.
An adult who has a child touch his or her genitals
Oral genital contact
Forced masturbation
Digital penetration, or penetration of the anus or vagina with another object
Anal penetration
Intercourse
The use of children in making pornographic materials.
In general sexual abuse of children is any kind of activity which exposes children to any kind of sexual stimulation that is inappropriate to their age, psychological development and role in the family. (See Child Sexual Abuse by Maxine Hancock & Karen Burton Mains. Highland Books l988)
Child abuse in the family thrives because of the inaction and the false belief that anything that happens in another family is their business and no one can interfere.
Wrong!
Child abuse whether physical or sexual abuse is the concern of all and we are all called upon to take action to prevent it by speaking out giving sound preventive education and civic minded action.
We are obliged to intervene when there is sufficient evidence to believe that a child is being abused. The revised penal code makes it mandatory for anyone with knowledge of such abuse to report it to the proper authorities within a specified time.
Defending the right of a child from being abused is the duty of all of us. Laws,although few have been passed yet to protect the rights of children, are dead letters if the common citizens do not implement the laws. The ordinary citizen can demand justice be done and seen to be done. Silence about such abuse is in one sense a form of consent.
Whenever we see children being abused we must protest and demand an investigation so that the truth of the matter will be seen by all and justice be done. There has been too much silence and condoning of the abuse of children. There is an obligation on all of us to be vigilant and aware of the sexual abuse of children in the home, on the street and in dens of prostitution and to take action to prevent it and stop it no matter who does the abuse.
